To our followers,
First, thank you for following us.
I am currently working on a project, writing a book. I have never written anything close to something that can be considered book worthy, so I am looking for any tips, advice and suggestions.
Today I am starting a new job, which I have no idea what to do. I am nervous beyond the standard, realistic amount of nervousness. I thought that this Monday I would “write it out”, that maybe it will ease my anxiety which tends to get out of control. A lot has been going on this month, for reasons that don’t really need to be told.
It is kind of a promotion–which is exciting–though I have no idea what to do, where to go, who to talk to, etc. I have worked at my previous job for almost two years, and just started to open up to other people, talk and laugh with them, to suddenly be transferred to a different job and facility location.
I am full of fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not being accepted, and most of all, fear of being accused of only getting the job because my step-mom works there. I believe there is a high chance of that, but maybe it is just a thought I am having, and I don’t necessarily need to turn that into a feeling.
I fear, fear itself. If that makes sense. I am afraid of all of the things that make me feel afraid. I worry that I worry too much–that my feelings are “too big”. What do I do with them? Where do I put them? How do I deal with the “impending doom” I feel every time something new, something that I have never experienced, is thrown into my face. At least, that’s what it seems like.
In the past few years, I’ve been through many new things. Getting sober, staying sober–moving home–getting engaged–getting a daughter–all new. New to me, and this is the happiest that I have ever been. It is proof, that new things can become great things. My raise will benefit me and my family. That is the main reason why I decided to advance. My fiance, MadRabbitQueen calls it the “#Endgame.
I hold onto hope, that other people share the same feelings as me. I hold onto the people in my life that believe in me, and to remind me of all the benefits that come along the way.
Thank you for reading.